Coaching Hope Out of Failure
by Dr. Keith E. Webb
"Failure" is an emotionally-charged word. Discouragement is it's constant companion. The word "failure" has a note of finality or completeness. Black or white. Bad or good.
We're afraid of failure, but some kinds of failure are actually good for us. Here's two reasons why a little failure now and then will make us stronger.
1. Failure leads to living out our potential.
Some people go to great lengths not to fail. On the surface, that's understandable. However, by aiming for only what is attainable you risk staying firmly in the grip of mediocrity.
A pole vaulter only knows her upper limit by consistently not clearing the bar. In sport as well as work, you can only reach your potential by pushing to your limits.
Coaches challenge people to goals that are a stretch.
2. Failure leads to learning.
The greatest learning (or at least most memorable learning!) come from failures.
I'm from Seattle where throughout the past 20 years Venture Capitalists (VCs) have sought out software entrepreneurs to fund with millions of dollars to get them started in a big way. One factor that VCs look for is: has the entrepreneur failed in a big way. If they haven't failed, the VCs don't want to fund them.
Venture Capitalists know that all entrepreneurs will fail and gain a lot of valuable learning from that failure - but they want them to fail with somebody else's money!
Coaches help people learn from what went wrong.
How to Coach Failure
Every so called "failure" is made up of a number of different actions - thoughts, decisions, behaviors.
Take for example a recent domestic failure on my part. My wife asked me to bring home milk and eggs. On my way home I stopped by the store and bought eggs and bread. When I arrived she asked me about the milk. No milk. I had failed.
While the overall result may not have been what my wife hoped for, many of the individual actions I did actually moved me toward her goal. I did remember to stop by the store. (An improvement over previous requests!) I did buy one of the two things she requested and one thing she didn't mention (but that we needed). I did get back home on time for dinner.
Of the four steps to complete the task, I only missed one: buy milk. To put it another way, three out of four steps were "successful".
Now here's a coaching secret: "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water" - don't overlook the successful parts of a failed action. Reinforce all forward-moving behaviors and learn from what didn't work.
How to Learn from Failure
Like the example above, dissect the "failure" to identify the parts that worked and the parts that didn't work.
- Acknowledge all the forward-moving actions. Don't let discouragement cause the person to miss the parts that they did well.
- Identify the failed parts and reflect on what happened and where things went astray.
- Coach out the learning. Ask: "What insights do you have from this experience?"
- Make a revised plan of action. Ask: "How would you like to move forward from here?"
Failure happens all the time in small ways. To not learn from failure is tragic and dooms a person to repeat their errors. As coaches, we can help people learn, grow, and move forward. That's hope!
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Copyright © 2008 Keith E. Webb & CRM
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 Dr. Keith E. Webb is a trainer and experienced cross-cultural leadership coach helping organizations, teams, and individuals multiply their cross-cultural impact. Find free articles at http://www.CreativeResultsManagement.com.
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